Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Ad Stuff

Sometimes I wake up early in the morning and can't go back to sleep. I generally need something to put me to sleep, and if "A" won't cooperate ("tee-hee-hee" - that was supposed to simulate a giggle, but it just looks kind of stupid, but I'm leaving it anyway) and my usual choice to knock me out is television. Because of "A"'s addiction to the remote, and his need to hide it so that there will NEVER be an opportunity for me to watch a complete show, I generally have no clue as to how to find the f***ing remote at 1:52 in the a.m. I'm willing to get up to turn the TV on, but don't usually want to stand there changing channels, so I'll watch whatever is on at the time.

I love Comedy Central so it's the usual channel my set is tuned to. Fine choice during regular programming time - horrible choice late at night.

Are you familiar with "Girls gone Wild"?

I am very familiar with girls gone wild since this is the only effing commercial played late night on this station and there's actually a whole girls gone wild show that lasts for what seems like an eternity in hell, but must be actually about an hour or so. I don't actually watch the TV - I'm trying to get back to sleep, but I can hear it. And hear it. and hear it. The background music is vaguely Caribbean and it seems that a requirement of going wild is the ability to produce an inane, uncomfortable laugh while flashing the girls.

I don't understand why these girls are going wild. I don't understand why flashing one's boobs is such a great thing to do when there's a cameraman and an idiot host (yes -he's an idiot) in the room. I don't understand why these chicks will perform for FREE. The idiot host/producer is making tons of cash. The cameraman is getting paid. These chicks are willing to flash their way out of potential internships and job opportunities for fame on a $9.99 DVD that Grandpop may be ordering right now.

But wait... there's more:
Other channels offer these wild girls plus other money making, life changing, house cleaning, skin smoothing, hair removing, time saving, body shaping opportunities that you can take advantage of only if you call in the next five minutes. Operators are standing by. ( I always think, 'what a f***ed up job to have to stand by for idiot callers at 3 in the morning'.)

How about the music? For example:
The Golden Days
Over 125 rock 'n roll hits. 7 cassettes-4 payments of $24.99 equals $99.96, or 7 CDs-4 payments of $29.99 equals $119.96. plus $9.95 S&H. 800-510-7625; C/S 719-531-7096; The Golden Days, P.O. Box 4100, Colorado Springs, CO 80934

$119.96 for 7 CDs plus $9.95 Shipping and Handling (the terminology alway got to me - I understand shipping but I don't see why I'm paying you to handle the product so that I can buy it - sounds like doubletalk and rip off to me). I might like 4 or 5 of the songs they played 6 times each during the commercial - the other 120 or so songs are a waste of everyones time. Who buys this stuff?

It seems that people are actually buying the stuff. There are "As Seen on TV" booths and stores in malls all over the country. There's also a website that lists literally hundreds and hundreds of products that were advertised on late night television.

I suppose I'm just not hip enough to buy this stuff. (Y'all know that "stuff" means "shit" in Jalispeak.) I hope I never make it to that level of hipness.


Rev. Smokin Steve said...

You know who buys those CD's?

Wedding DJ's.

I have the Time Life series.

Luke Cage said...

And when all else fails miss Jali, there's always Peer-2-Peer downloading over the internet, not to mention buying the songs through I-Tunes. I can't remember the last time I purchased a music CD. But very true, there are many As Seen On TV stores all over malls around the U.S. Who needs shipping and handling when you can purchase one of these items there!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great post, Jali. Nothing like a little critical thought applied to that crap we see on television.

That's a good point I've never thought about: WHY do those chicks flash their tits.

Then again, look how many women are willing to get naked on their blogs. Must be instinct.

mist1 said...

While on the couch suffering from The Cold That Almost Killed Me, not only did I get my fill of GGW commercials, but Tyra actually had the creator and some real-live girls that had gone wild. Quality programming about quality programming.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Try melatonin. It's way healthier than Girls Gone Wild.

I've been an insomniac since birth, and this tiny sublingual (poor pill taker, too) potion gives me a solid 4 hours sleep, which is more than I can manage on my own.

Elaine said...

My brother in law used to live with us and sleep on the couch. Like the sorry individual he is, he would tune into these 10 hour Girls Gone Wild informercials and have a little fun with his yogurt shooter. Unfortunately, he fell asleep in the middle of his yankfest and I had the privelage of seeing him in all his raw form the next morning when I set out to go make coffee.. needless to say I could not make the coffee as my eyes were temporarily blinded by the blood oozing from the corners. Oh yeah, he was like 300 plus pounds.


kav said...

Girls gone wild...haven't seen it, but sounds like your classic wank fodder that many of the late night programmes show. You know, not porn per se, but titillation for teenagers and the lonely. I bet it's viewed by millions of men.

Those ads...oh Jaysis my mother-in-law drives me insane with her addiction to QVC. OK, QVC is maybe a rung higher on the ladder of useless shit that nobody needs that gets incessantly rammed down our throats, but it's still mostly shit.

She spends a fortune on stuff from there. I'm grinding my teeth right now thinking about it.


Christina_the_wench said...

I was in Miami Beach during spring break this past March (for a conference; not to party) and Girls Gone Wild was there. I never seen so many ho's flipping up their shirts for a cheer from a group of drunk college boys in my life. All I could think was, "And your parents gave you money to come down here and do THIS?"

I am old too apparently. And not lesbian, so I don't get it either.

jali said...

rev. steve,
You get an automatic pass since you're in the biz. You need all the obscure old songs from different periods to satisfy the side ranges of tastes I'm sure you run across.

Have you ever purchased any of the items?

Instinct - as in basic? Are there a lot of naked chicks on blogs? I thought it was just Myspace.

Wow. A cold AND Tyra too.

I'll check it out.

Ewwww. Now I don't want coffee either.

My mom used to be addicted to QVC too - she had a "Q card" and we got deliveries almost every day for a while. I hate those home shopping channels!

jali said...

I've never had the urge to show my (mini-me) boobs to the world.

Superstar said...

I feel for those phone bank peeps...According to 30 days by Morgan Spearlock, they are in India...
Can you imagine the 3am drunk that see's this "must have inpulse" item calling...
"Yeshhh I withhhhhh take 2 of those there thingysssssth...."
LOL ;o)
I mean, who can't do the math to see that they are a RIP OFF??? 4 payments...Jeshh!

Preach ON Jali! Preach on!!!

C said...

But 3AM your time may not be 3AM everybody else's time. you know there are freaks out there that have every channel available to them whether it really is worth watching or not.

Luke Cage said...

I once purchased this speaker thing that connects to the speaker system in my car for all around cell phone surround sound. It was alright, nothing to write home about. Great in theory but for $20 bucks, what do you expect right? :)

dirk.mancuso said...

I have bought one thing off of an infomercial and it changed my life: one of those handi-chopper things things that chops onions and shit for you. Now all my onions and peppers are cut into uniform squares which is awesome news for an anal retentive lil 'mo like me.

jali said...

I've never seen the surround sound for $20 thingie. I'm glad it worked.

I hate the onion smell on my fingers so I think I need one of those. Damn - now I'll be one of those people too.

Nölff said...

Those drug commercials for sleeping pills blow my mind. On one of them Abe Lincoln was playing poker with a gopher in the kitchen while bigfoot was making a bowl of cereal.

jali said...

superstar and c -

I didn't mean to skip you - I gotta run - will respond tomorrow - promise. Bad jali!

You too.

CP said...

I wanna see "housewives gone wild".

I want them to all come into my house and clean it.

That would make me happy.


Chanakin said...

Imagine those girls' fathers... just sitting at home... flipping channels one night...

Steph said...

Sweets. Get yourself a few good books. TV at that time of the morning will rot your brain and turn you into one of those people who drool and rock in the corner.

Rhys said...

I love it!!!!! :) Great entry. One semester I had a student who had 'accidentally' ended up in one of those masterpieces, she was sobbing for hours in my office. Ah, wild youth.

It's not fair that the naked girls don't get paid. They should get a piece of the action at least.

Amadeo said...

I always wonder about those comps discs...don't people steal music from the internet anymore?

The girls gone wild is lame. I don't understand why someone would by save for blackmail purposes later in life. I mean you could just buy porn...hell you might learn something from porn.

Everynow and again the Asseenontv commercials spark my interest, but I never buy. I prefer ESPN for my late night sedative.

diane said...

Very disturbing article on GGW from the LA times last month:,0,2664370.story

THIS made me bleed out the corner of my eyeballs!