Thursday, May 24, 2007

Nice Guy Stuff

I've been hitting links all morning and came across a page I like. (link http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/comments35.shtml) The page had a whole section dedicated to "Nice Guys" and I was inspired to write a bit about nice guys here.

I've dated guys that I had to leave because of boredom. For some reason, my friends and I classified these dudes as "nice guys" and we decided that "that" type of dude wouldn't cut it - not for the fly chicks of Hollis, Queens in 1975.

The basic premise carried over into my adult life and I never questioned the authenticity of the title I hung on these dudes. I just avoided them (nice guys)as I did the dentally impaired (no teefus), the commonsenseless (stupido), the too cheap to tip idiots, the still living with their moms goofballs and the too much cologne - too little soap gents (stinkies).

I have coworkers, neighbors and associates who I deem "nice guys" based on one commonality: boooooooring. They'll tell me stories of women who dump them for "bad boys" and wonder why "nice guys always finish last." i use to sympathize - now I know better.

I realize that the self proclaimed nice guys aren't necessarily nice -a guy can be as boring as hell because he's a self centered bitch. Some of the boring guys can only discuss Star Wars or Spiderman with any animation - ask about the federal deficit or the immigration debate and the conversation falls flat.

I dated a guy a few years ago that I decided would be good for me because he was so nice. (meaning not very hot, but not embarassingly uncool) He seemed generous and kind - he invited me to Atlantic City for our first date for dinner.

We took a long walk down the boardwalk and I learned that he was an excellent listener (know better now translation: he had ZERO to add to the conversation.) The first kiss was miserably unsexy but I looked at his lack of skill as charming - I would teach him. (never again)

As we began dating more frequently, (I was determined that I needed a "nice guy" so I told myself to stick it out) I learned some disturbing things - he didn't tip well( he wasn't generous unless there would be a direct benefit to himself), and he could be unbelieveably set in his ways. He was corny - he wanted to walk around the mall holding my hand and I went through with it reluctantly the first couple of times. The third weekend in a row that he wanted to take me to the mall (to fucking walk around holding hands) was the eyeopener. I couldn't hack it with this boring, selfish, color by number stay within the lines guy anymore.
Nice guys that finish last aren't really nice guys at all (I said "atall" like Forrest Gump). They're whiney boring guys.

26 comments:

Amadeo said...

I only suffered from the nice guy thing until about 11th grade. The main problem then though was half the girls were dating dudes that were out of school and driving. A 10th or 11th grader is boring next to that.

mist1 said...

I'd like to apologize to all the nice guys that I have ruined.

Trying2BMe said...

I agree, the "nice guys" I've met are typically undercover assholes posing to be something they're not. Personally, I prefer the bad boys... always have! Long hair, tattoos, piercings and nothing formal in the closet... DAMN THAT'S HOT!!!

Christina_the_wench said...

Give me a bad boy any day.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I had the same misconception, that if a guy was boring, he must be "nice."

My enlightenment on this point came when I realized that a guy whose lack of personality I was excusing because I thought I needed a change from bad boys turned out to be as selfish, disloyal,mean-spirited and stingy as they were. He was simply less honest about it. He also lacked certain skills to a shocking degree.

Great post, Jali.

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heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hey, Jali, there's your nice guy, the good-written Omar Cruz. (Do you think he means "good riddance?")

EsLocura said...

Nice guys are over rated, I think it's because most are really not nice guys. It's all a ploy. great post, made me want to count how many "nice guys" I dated.

Luke Cage said...

My name is Frank Alexis Jr. aka Luke Cage, aka Rage of Cage. And I am.. a nice guy (don't let the mean mugging of my icon fool ya) -lol

restaurant gal said...

It's all about tipping--and you can tell a lot about the guy who tips--or not--on the very first date.. This I know, from all sides of THAT experience! --The Gal

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I used to like bad boys but they were like, bad for me. Then I tried a nice guy and he dumped me because I can't have kids...which was also bad for me. Then I tried a nice guy with a good sense of humour but he was kinky....So I married him.

Webmiztris said...

you know, I never looked at it that way before, but I definitely see your point!

Cazzie!!! said...

I LMAO at this candid post. I love your interpretation of the guys to avoid, stinkies, no teefus, crack me up!!
I think what we tend to do is go date guys that our mother's do NOT approve of..yes, the guys who are non nice guys. It i not just to piss our mum's off, it is to actually stay in a relationship with someone interesting isn;t it??
Yep, I maintain that to this day...and so, after 11 years of marriage and 4 kids later, I am still with the same guy...and I never see my mum any more :( Her loss, not mine.

Cazzie!!! said...

I LMAO at this candid post. I love your interpretation of the guys to avoid, stinkies, no teefus, crack me up!!
I think what we tend to do is go date guys that our mother's do NOT approve of..yes, the guys who are non nice guys. It i not just to piss our mum's off, it is to actually stay in a relationship with someone interesting isn;t it??
Yep, I maintain that to this day...and so, after 11 years of marriage and 4 kids later, I am still with the same guy...and I never see my mum any more :( Her loss, not mine.

Kav said...

Oh crap, that must have had you rolling your eyes. By the way, I still don't know who Joisey is...

And for the record, when Linzi read the post, she disagreed and said I was too quirky (meaning: weird) to be just nice. Which cheered me up a bit.

Kiyotoe said...

i remember NOT being a nice guy and then as i got a little older (like 6 years ago), i thought i had "grown" into a nice guy and it was working for me. Only to find out that women were interested because they could see the "not-so-nice" guy under the surface trying to make the transition. So I'm thankful for that 60-40% thing i have going on.

You guys (women) are so picky ;)

dirk.mancuso said...

I am the gay version of "the nice guy."

My people call it "the doormat."

Mustafa Şenalp said...

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Elaine said...

SO SO TRUE! you described my ex boyfriend to a T.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

If a guy doesn't tip well that might very well tell you all you need to know about him right there. Or a woman too for that matter. I read somewhere recently that if you want to learn a whole lot about someone in a hurry, climb a mountain with them. That might be a little extreme for a first date, though.

I guess when you're urging yourself to "stick it out" there's some chemistry missing there too!

Nölff said...

Geigh,,,
1. If I go to the mall I only go to Sears so I can look at man stuff like tools and tires.

2. P.D.A. of any sort is against my own personal religion unless it's a strip club or at the "I do" part of a wedding.

3. Guys like that probably didn't participate in gym class.

4. You should get a dude that has a gun and tools.

Nölff said...

1 more thing. If you know Angela from Run's House please hook me up. I want to do dirty things with her.

Inferus said...

If there is one thing I have discovered it's that women want men to treat them as if they don't need them. Some call it independence. Others a challenge. Me, the irony of dating.

it's the little things... said...

Mmmm....the nice guys only look good in retrospect.
As in 'I should have married him."

As for the bad boys, most of us like some degree of interest/challenge. It's a throwback to our cavemen/women days.

Even a chocolate cake is boring if it's sitting in your fridge 365 days a year without protest.

hot coffee girl said...

I think that the nice guys you describe are the worst. They are sheep in sheep's clothing. But Miss Ann got it right. Find the kinky-nice ones.

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