Thursday, August 31, 2006

Stuff I Like Stuff

There are movies that I absolutely love that many of you might not have even heard of. I just thought of one of those movies and decided to build an entry on this shaky premise. I'll watch these movies at anytime - big ups to TBS and TNT (the re-run kings)
Here are some memorable quotes from movies I love. If you get them all you win.... NOTHING -yeah!

Great Film #1:
Lord John: Where are we going?
Red Lectroids: Planet Ten.
Lord John: When?
Red Lectroids: Real soon.

Lord John Whorfin: Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.

Overhead announcement at psychiatric hospital: Lithium is no longer available on credit.

Great Film #2:
F (can't use his name): What you write in this apartment stays in this apartment.

F: I have an homeland that I have not seen for too long.
Jamal: Oh, you mean Ireland?
F: Scotland, for God's sakes!
Jamal: I'm messing with you, man.

Great Film#3:
Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne."
Dionne: Thank you.
Murray: My street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.

Great Film #4:
Mark: Thank you, your honor. With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction.

Mother Superior: Ah, hard currency! Thank you, Sir! Can't be too careful these days! Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps?
Mark: No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.

Tommy: Yes, but then she finds out I've bought a ticket for Iggy Pop the same night.
Spud: Went ballistic?
Tommy: Big time. Absolutely fucking radge. 'It's me or Iggy Pop, time to decide.'
Spud: So what's it going to be?
Tommy: Well, I've paid for the ticket.

Great Film #5
Verbal: After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.

Dave Kujan: He was dead just long enough for the murder rap to blow over. And then he had lunch.

I'll probably update this a little later, depending on the response. Thanks to IMBD for the quotes.
EDIT 9/1/06
Great Film #1 - Buckaroo Banzai - (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension) starring: Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Ellen Barkin, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd. The character Perfect Tommy (Lewis Smith) is my favorite - he's amazingly shallow.

Great Film #2 - Finding Forrester - starring: Sean Connery, Rob Brown, F. Murray Abraham, Busta Rhymes, Anna Panquin. Jamal (Rob Brown) is one of my favorite characters of all time - really great understated acting.

Great Film #3 - Clueless - starring: Alicia Silverstone, Stacy Dash, Paul Rudd, Brittany Murphy, Donald Faison, Brecken Myer, Elisa Donovan. Pride and Predjudice updated - really great take on the mores of teenagers.

Great Film #4 - Trainspotting - starring: Ewen McGregor, Robert Carlyle, Ewen Bremmer, Johnny Lee Miller. Amazing film set in Scotland. Robert Carlyle amazed me - I knew him as the star of The Full Monty and didn't expect him to be such an evil "Begbie". The character "Spud" (Ewen Bremmer) had a great scene interviewing for a job- another after the bubble guts. Some of the film is hard to watch, but worth the ride.

Great Film #5 - The Usual Suspects - starring: Kevin Spacey, Kevin Pollack, Benecio Del Toro, Gabriel Byrne, Stephen Baldwin, Chazz Palminteri, Pete Postelwaite, Giancarlo Espisito. My comments: Keyser Soze. See it!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Arrogant Stuff

I missed the boat somehow and didn't see this post from this chick's weblog.
Her post was to ask guys that didn't "have it" to stop asking her out. She feels that they should lower their standards and go for the older, fatter chicks - not "quality".
I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:
I’m slim (whereas
62 % of American women are overweight.

I’m attractive (my new picture has been rated more attractive than 86% of the women on Hot or Not - and the women who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably already biased towards being more attractive than the general female population) I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of adult American women are over 30.
I’m intelligent (IQ tested at 145 when I was a child, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean -- higher than 99.85% of the population. Even if I’ve gotten dumber as I’ve aged I’m probably still at least a 130, which is higher than 97.5% of the population.)
I’m educated (whereas
7% of American women don't have degrees)
I have my financial shit together (no debt, perfect credit history, 6+ months living expenses saved, adequate insurance, self employed)
I have a strong libido and love having sex (my lover *never* has to beg, unless it’s for me to let him get some sleep!)
Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: science fiction, libertarianism, blogging, politics, economics, guns, gambling, etc.

Here's the "jali head to head comparison to the arrogant chick".
I'm kind. (no mention of kindness in her post)
I'm honorable. (nope - nothing about honor either)
I feel pretty (my rank compared to others is unmportant - it's a self love thing) I would never consider a website like "hot or not" in determining my attractiveness. Shallow Hal and shit.
I'm intelligent enough NOT to post my I.Q. since common sense isn't part of the equation and common sense is of greater value to me than the actual I.Q. test score. (it's as high or higher than hers BTW)
My financial shit is shit but since I'm not looking for investors it doesn't matter.
I love sex - don't most women? How does that make her special?
I'm educated - so is everyone to a certain degree. If she had said that she was well educated it may have made a better inpression. There are many poorly educated people in America.
I'm slim - although what the hell that has to do with being high quality isn't explained.
My interests include reading SciFi, blogging, politics, gambling (when I'm in A.C). What exactly makes any of these interests higher quality than the interests of others?

She seems to be the type of woman who'll appear on "Elimidate" and who's shocked when she's not chosen.
I like confidence - not arrogance.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Quitting Stuff

I quit!

Today is day 2 and I still haven't smoked. I called my kids to tell them - they're supportive and good people - I even called the evil ex-husband - I'm so proud of myself.

I warned all of my coworkers that there just might be repercussions and conseqences to deal with based on my new, super special, extra-stink, nicotine-free attitude. So far they've all been pretty cool, offering me stories of encouragement and gum. No one has made any weight comments (I suppose they know me well enough to avoid that game) and it's peaceful here far.

I had one of those reflective nights last week when I was really sick - I couldn't sleep and I started counting my absences from work. I scared the hell outta myself and convinced myself that my nicotine habit was the main reason for the frequency of my illnesses. I started worrying that I might smoke myself right out of my dream job.

"A" and I each picked up a pack of ciggies on Saturday aftetnoon. (I went for 12 hours prior to that and didn't freak - I guess it was my initiation to this quitting mode). My first puff was wonderful, but the rest was a little painful and I didn't smoke much at all that day or night.

I smoked a whole ciggie on Sunday morning, but it didn't feel as good as I wanted it to and I made my decision then: I would buy no more cigarettes - no more.

I puffed occasionally on Sunday - the comfort of habit more than the need for nicotine, but it wasn't the same.

I'm stubborn as hell, so now that I've decided to quit - I fucking quit.

I don't expect anyone to stop smoking cigarettes because I stopped. It's up to each individual to handle their life as they wish to. I've been smoking for over 30 years and stopped only during pregnancies - well part of my pregnancies. I've never had the urge to quit before now and I sure as hell promise NOT to become one of those self righteous non-smokers that I've come to despise.

To all those who gave me unsolicited advice about my habit: it didn't help - nope, NEVER. I probably smoked extra cigarettes based on you bothering me. Because you smoked for 3 weeks back in college doesn't compare to a 30 year addiction -you assumed you knew what the hell I was going through. You didn't - you just sounded stupid to me.

I look so cute when I smoke - I'll miss that extra cuteness factor. Maybe I'll find something else to do with my lips and hands...

Anyway, I'm grouchy as hell - yes, my period has decided to reappear, I'm going through serious withdrawal AND it's only 11 a.m. I've been here for what seemed like hours and it's only 11 fucking a.m.

No one has told me that I look good today - I'm tapping my toes very impatiently now - I need some positive reinforcement. Do I need to send a memo requesting a compliment? Should I designate my admirer of the day?

I'm just grouchy. I'll literally take a chill pill (Midol) now, and see what happens.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Blog of The Week Stuff with Apologies Stuff

First the "I'm sorry stuff".

I got sick last week and was out from work on Wednesday and Thursday. I came back on Friday onlys to be sent home due to my very annoying cough. I still don't have the internet at home, so I was just SOL as far as updating goes. Don't stay mad... c'mon, gimme a smile. I missed you.

To make it up to all of you, I've selected to following site as the blog of the week:

The name of her page is Sanity, Interrupted - her tag: Crazy Is The New Hot!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Commercial Stuff

This shit is bordering on pedophilia. "send your friends.." Wha????? Is anyone else ofended by this new marketing campaign or have I lost my sense of humor in my old age?

In totally unrelated news, on Saturday, a little girl from Wisconsin saw a falcon soaring above her. She decided to feed the falcon a piece of cheese and threw it way up in the air. The cheese hit the falon in the head and knocked him out. Wisconsin 38 - Falcons 10. Sad state of affairs Falcons fans.

Friday, August 18, 2006

T.V. Stuff

I've decided to discuss TV shows that I loved that didn't last. I suppose it means I like weird stuff.

"Cop Rock" (1990) I was a big fan of Hill Street Blues and was thrilled to learn that Steven Boccho had created something new. I love Broadway and movie musicals and thought that a rock- opera crime show was a great idea. It was! One episode featured a crackhead mother singing goodbye to her infant child (she knew she would be taken away). Masterpiece!

"Love Cruise" (2001) - Sixteen singles set sail on a boat to the Caribbean. Every two days, each single picks a mate, and as a couple, they compete in challenges. At the end of each forty-eight-hour round, the women vote to eliminate one man, and the men vote to eliminate one woman. The eliminated singles are banished to Loser Island. (better recap than I would have done from
I really enjoyed this show - there were contestants I absolutely loved and others I despised from day one. There was backstabbing and unneccessary drama and couples hooking up. I don't understand why this show didn't float but Big Brother, Survivor, and others are still on.

"Sports Night" (1998-2000) - A show about a television show. Sports - what's not to love? The dialogue was great - the actors were charming and natural. I couldn't believe this show wasn't renewed. Casey and Dan were my dudes!

"Firefly" (2002)"A captain's goal was simple: find a crew; find a job; keep flying." This show featured the coolest captain and the coolest crew in the galaxy.

"Square Pegs" (1982-1983) - High school and trying to be cool. Likable cast - funny situations. Sigh.

"Fastlane" (2002-2003) - I will concede that the plots left a little to be desired, but these guys were the Crockett and Tubbs for the next generation. Eye candy with a sense of humor. (Thanks TV One - I can catch the reruns)

Blog of The Week Stuff

from Mike's banner:
Random thoughts.....spewed forth effortlessly on the little of substance happening in my life, most of which is clearly made up and never actually happened. Plus some other crap.

from Mike's profile:
Just a single divorced guy content with life in general willing to share his idiocy on a daily basis with friends and strangers alike. I'm thoughtful like that.

Please check out his archives as well as his recent posts. I'm sure you'll agree that Mike is special. (heh-heh-heh)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Part 2 Stuff

I call this part 2, although it has NOTHING at all to do with the redundancy theme of the other post for today. Zero. Nada. Zilch. (wasn't that redundant?)

More gripes from the bad mood biddy:

Stop stalking the closest parking space at the health club. Isn't the whole point to work out? WALK the extra 30 feet.

YOU dialing a wrong number is not MY fault. (something very similar on a great blog yesterday - sorry, you excellent writer - I don't have your address at hand.)

Why does the smoke from my 1 cigarette bother you more than the toxic fumes of the traffic during rush hour? You're standing at the bus stop inhaling all that gunk but my ciggie makes you do the phony cough thing.

Why must the people who are late for the (movie/play/concert) always be the ones (with cell phone ringers on/who talk throughout the show/who have to get right back up and disturb us again)?

I saw a gentleman in a ARMED security uniform filling up his SUV. He had permanent handicapped plates.

Speaking of handicapped - if you're able bodied and have grandfathered those plates - or if you park in a handicapped space I hope Karma grants your wish.

I usually say no, but it would be nice if you OFFERED to buy gas.

Mothers don't look good in designer clothes if their child's too tight undershirt looks like it was washed with a teabag.

Stop bringing infants and toddlers to adult movies - Get a babysitter or stay home!

"Gimme a call" is not a clear telephone message. Tell me the reason so I can prioritize my callbacks.

Why do some people call their spouses at work 3 or 4 times per day everyday?
'Hi Honey, whatcha doing?"
"Okay, I love you baby."

'Hi Honey, whatcha doing?"
"Okay, I love you baby."

'Hi Honey, whatcha doing?"
"Okay, I love you baby."

'Hi Honey, whatcha doing?"
"Okay, I love you baby."

When did Jack Bauer pee? I know it's fiction, but they tried to make everything seem so real on the timeline - didn't he have to pee at least once in 24 hours?

Feeling a little better, my lovelies. Ranting is good!

Redundancy Stuff

Maybe I should rename this weblog, "Jali complaining about every f***ing thing in the world."
I've been in a bad mood all morning and I don't see the sunlight peeking through the clouds.
Someone just asked me for an "inkpen". I wasn't rude, I just handed him a pen while boiling inside.

Redundancy, in general terms, refers to the quality or state of being redundant, that is: exceeding what is necessary or normal; or duplication. (wikepedia)

Redundancy annoys the hell out of me.

Ink Pen
ATM Machine
Fatally Killed
For your FYI
PIN Number

For those who don't know what I'm talking about I guess I'll break it down:

Pens when used to write on paper use ink. I don't know of any other liquid that would be of any use.
Automatic Teller Machine. No reason to add an extra "machine".
Fatally killed. If you're killed it's fatal. If it's fatal you're dead. It's like saying "dead, dead".
For Your Information. Does "for your for your information" sound good to your ear?
Personal Identification Number. Personal identification number number.

The Taco Bell commercial for "carne asada steak" irks me. Carne asada = grilled meat, so does the sentence translated say grilled meat steak? I never studied Spanish but it seems odd to me. If I'm wrong... (you may not want to correct me today)

I always hated, "Ice, ice, baby." Was it supposed to be a double your pleasure moment listening to Vanilla Ice?

Why do we all say "tuna fish"? Is there any other tuna I'm not familiar with like tuna monkey or tuna rabbit? I'm guilty of this one all the time - see I even annoy myself.

Hopefully I'll throw off this stinky attitude and come back to write about something positive. Grrrr.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Name Stuff

My doctor and dentist from childhood both subscribed to "Highlights for Children" a kid's magazine and I spent many anxious moments reading the magazine, trying to distract myself from the pain and suffering I was waiting my turn for. (Oh the drill, oh the drill)

'Goofus and Gallant' was a monthly feature of Highlights that I really looked forward to reading. There were cartoon panels showing us (the innocent - meaning STUPID young reader) what each boy would do in various situations. They HAD to think we were stupid "Gallant helps the old lady cross the street. Goofus pushes her in front of a car." Well, not quite THAT extreme, but some months they'd come pretty close.

Of course Gallant was the "good guy" and Goofus was, well, a goofus.

I'm wasn't really a normal kid and I always hated that f***ing Gallant. Just waaay too good for his own good. Poor Goofus, even as a kid, I understood that the root of his misfortune was the name his parents forced on an innocent kid. Had they no sense of self fullfilling prophecy? Why name a kid Goofus and expect him to be good?

My daughter recently told me about twin girls (I'll give you the phoenetic first) Aranzhelo and LeManzhelo:

wait for it...

hold tight...

it's coming...

OrangeJello and LemonJello - I kid you not! What the hell is wrong with people?

Celebrities get away with the stupid names since they have the millions to insulate their children from the bullshit. Moon and Dweezil Zappa did okay as young adults - they're Zappas. Dweezil Jones or Moon Bennett probably wouldn't be as successful. (ya think?)

Little weird looking babies named Denzil and Halle are just sad to see. C'mon y'all don't hate on me - There ARE little odd looking babies in the world. I love 'em all, but some just aren't meant to be named certain names.

I pity the poor babies in first grade trying to write the fanciful names there mothers and fathers gave them looooong after the other children are done. S - H - A - A- N - I - I - Q - U - A M- E - R- C - E- D - E - S J- O- H- N- S- O- N - J- O - H- N- S- O - N. (the mother kept her maiden name in this case - despite having the same last name as her new spouse). Cramps from writing and possible carpal tunnel syndrome at 6 years old is just wrong.

This is for those prospective parents out there: Think first... name later!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Blog of The Week Stuff

This is by command of the Empress of the World:

Go to the following page immediately.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

E-Mail Stuff

It's been said before and I'm sure will be said again. That doesn't in any way stop me from saying it here. Actually, not much can deter me from speaking out.

(grabs soapbox and steps up)

If you are kind enough to send me a forward, PLEASE DELETE THE ADDRESSES OF THE PREVIOUS 821 PEOPLE WHO WERE SENT THE SAME F***ING EMAIL. Please delete the corporate privacy policy notices for each of the previous 821 people who were sent the mail. I really don't like scrolling down 7596 lines to get to the message. Also - I had to get a new email addy since my old address has been taken over by spammers. Right now there are over 4900 pieces of spam at the Yahoo address, a direct result of NON-editing of previous addresses. People are forwarding my address indisriminately. Arrrrgh! (and I'm not a pirate like Laurie)

If you have my address them you know me - c'mon you KNOW me. Angel poems with glittering illustrations, pictures of cute kittens and puppies, and urban legend scare messages are not my bag. I'm just not a " guardian angel poem" kind of chick. I help those less fortunate by sending a check - I don't forward a letter. You know that if you know me.

Please send me jokes and games (yanno I like stuff like that) and personal messages.

Send this post to 10 people in the next 5 minutes and you'll have good luck for the next year.
Becky H. didn't forward this and fell out of a tree. What the hell she was doing in a tree is a mystery to me. Bill Gates will donate $.04 for each forward recorded and the funds will be used for little Timmy's hernia surgery. Remember, if you eat a watermelon seed, a melon will grow in your belly and you'll need the same surgery as Timmy.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Odd Stuff

I work in a building in a pretty ritzy part of Atlanta called Buckhead. I'm used to seeing guys in suits in my building - sometimes just nice shirts and ties, but it's not really a casual workplace. (except for the very rich and talented I.T. guys (hi Tai, hi Chad) who get to wear jeans and polo shirts every day).

As I was walking out to go to lunch (meaning my golden opportunity to smoke... finally) I noticed a guy wearing shorts exiting one of the elevators. I started thinking about his outfit and tried to come up with ten occupations where shorts are normal dress. (just humor me, this is my real life here)

I came up with these:
Zookeeper, Park Ranger, Mail Carrier, UPS/FedEX/DHL folk, Camp Counsellor, Hooters Server - that's all I got. I can't think of any more.

Now I'm in the mood to identify as many things as I can in ANY catagory.
So... (for those who get annoyed reading blog lists - now is the time to get out!)

I'm picking my catagory and I'm just going to start naming things. (I warned you - run...NOW!)


My favorite villains in cartoons: (yes, I still watch cartoons - don't you?)
"Gargamel" - the Smurfs
"Skeletor" - He Man
"Mum-ra" - Thundercats
"Mr. Burns" - the Simpsoms
"Stewie" - the Family Guy

My favorite movie villains:
"Hans Gruber" - Die Hard
"Kaiser Soze" - The Usual Suspects
"Sheriff of Nottingham" - Robin Hood
"Castor Troy" - Face Off
"Agent Smith" - The Matrix
"Alonzo Harris" - Training Day

My favorite TV villains:
"Dr. Zachary Smith - Lost in Space
"J.R. Ewing" - Dallas
"Stringer Bell" - The Wire
"Junior Soprano" - The Sopranos
"Marie" - Everybody Loves Raymond

This was fun. Did I miss any good ones?

I think I'll do this again using other topics.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Trivial Stuff

Last night I stopped at a light at the corner of Mt. Zion and Mt. Zion. A directional sign pointed towards another Mt. Zion. The Atlanta street naming team needs to be replaced. Immediately! (there are many intersections like this in the area, usually named Peachtree.)

I'm at the end of a tube of toothpaste. I'm able to get by with just a dash of toothpaste right now but if I had a brand new tube, I'd smear it all over the brush, some of it would drop in the sink leaving a glob I would have to clean up. This is an observation only. I refuse to learn new behavior.

We have waaay too much bread in out kitchen right now. I keep using the newest bag of hamburger buns - let others eat the older stuff. ("A", I'm sorry, but that's just how I am)

Why does everyone pretend not to see that green thing in the refrigerator that was formerly a cucumber?

I love the recent Dunkin Donut's commercials - the music is great especially the song about "my thighs sticking to the pleather." I stop what I'm doing and watch them every time. I don't eat their doughnuts though.

Carlos Mencia is hilarious. I'm glad he's the methadone for my Dave Chappelle addiction withdrawal.

Our office had our summer party at a wine bar on Saturday night. I didn't embarrass myself - at least as far as I can remember. I'll find out today.

I skated at a new rink last night: Skate Zone. Yes, I have new fans there. (I love it) To the chick that gave me gas face all night: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."(some of you older readers remember the commercial and get the lame joke)

I saw an old friend from Nueva York on Saturday. The mini-reunion was held at my ex-husband's lovely home. His girlfriend moved in with him recently and I overheard him saying to one of his boys, "I'm going crazy - the ex is in one room the girlfriend is in the other." Poetic justice I say. He had a girlfriend over at a barbeque while we were still married. I stayed longer than I normally would have just because.

Can anyone love me more than I love myself? I hope not - I don't need a stalker. I did have a stalker for a minute, but I suppose he just lost interest. I didn't even get the "it's not you, it's me" speech. He just stopped sending me the lewd emails.

I spoke with one of my ex boyfriends on the phone last night. He had NOTHING new to say. Sad, huh?

I'm jealous of the many witty bloggers out there who have actual topics every day.

I want a surprise birthday party! November 20th is my b-day, but the party can be any time that week. I've been practicing my "surprised' look so I won't 'blow it'.

I always think I'm the best dancer in the club. My children think otherwise.

Can you tell that I'm was known as the "ADD" wife of one of my exes? This post is a great example of my normal thought process.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Lyrical Stuff

Okay. Many of you might be familiar with the single, "Bossy" by Kelis (

I did an age and temperment based redux of her song. Imagine me singing!!!

Here's my remix:

I'm grouchy
I'm the one with the cramps I hate
I'm the one with the water weight
That's right I'm the one feelin' all the pain
That's right each month get this crap again.
I'm grouchy
Did a 2 second bathroom dash. Oh shit here's a new hot flash.
That's right it's that long ass hormonal change.
That's right my whole life's being rearranged.

I'm running short on my estrogen.
Although my periods back again - I wanna know when this shit will end.
Tell me when. Tell me when.

Everything seems to just make me mad.
I'm sick of looking at menstrual pads.
Why do these stupid cramps feel so bad?
Ain't it sad? Ain't it sad?

I'm grouchy
I'm the one with the cramps I hate
I'm the one with the water weight
That's right I'm the one feelin' all the pain
That's right each month get this crap again.
I'm grouchy
Did a 2 second bathroom dash.
Oh shit here's a new hot flash.
That's right it's that long ass hormonal change.
That's right my whole life's being rearranged.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Annoying Stuff

2 Annoyances:

1. Imagine yourself in line at the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon at about 4p.m.

It's crowded, your last nerve was plucked by that woman who refused to tell her children to stop harassing other shoppers. You finally make it to the express lane with your six little items and you breathe a sigh of relief. Home, a nice dinner and a cool drink await you.

You can see the target way ahead of you. The cashier is working quickly and efficiently. The people at the front of the line are smiling and happy - they're steadily moving toward their goal: the register.

You don't move one inch. Imagine your feelings. How can this be?

The person ahead of you has decided to leave a FIVE FOOT GAP between their shopping cart and the person ahead of them. Sneaky shoppers are jumping ahead of the person ahead of you and going straight to the checkout. The person ahead of you makes NO EFFORT TO CLOSE THE GAP so all the people behind her suffer.

I've never seen this in a grocery store. I used the situation to get to my point - I wanted you guys to feel my pain.

Every single day in the beautiful city of Atlanta, Georgia (Joe-gia) this situation occurs, but it occurs where it causes me much more irritation than it would in a supermarket.

It happens in the far left lane of I75/85 known as "The Connector", the portion of the interstate system that passes through Midtown Atlanta.

Certain drivers fight their way to get into the fast lane. They swoop ahead of the pack back in the 'burbs to guarantee their place at the head of the line when congestion sets in.

Once the roads are crowded, the same driver, Mr. Emperor of The World decides that a more leisurely ride is desired and leaves a gap large enough for tractor trailer or two to pull into. He has to work hard to maintain the gap, suddenly breaking to stop the flow of traffic if it seems that the left lane might be keeping up with the lanes to his right. He will only increase his speed if a car from his own lane dares to try to pass him on the right.

"Hell naw!" He says to himself. "There will be none of that today. Get back in line." Allowing a car from behind him to gain the upper hand and actually keep up with the flow of traffic is not part of his agenda. His Emperor of the World status might be jeopardized if he allowed even one car from the left lane to continue on it's way and make it to work at a reasonable time. Arrrrrgh!

2. I love to share a nice meal in good company. Most of my buddies are pretty cool people and we split the bill with no argument, drop a great tip and go home happy.

There's a newer member to our crowd who is a cheap ass. He once actually gave the bartender a $5 bill and a quarter for a $5.25 beer. We were shocked. The bartender was shocked. The other patrons in the vicinity were shocked. (we were a bunch of shocked people, huh?) This led to whispered conversations around the bar and we remembered other instances where he showed his true colors.

We would split a dinner check and he would drop exactly $14.95 or whatever the cost of his entree might have been onto the pile of cash. He would need to run to the bathroom or go out to smoke right at that moment and the rest of us would total the payment and add the appropriate tip. We figured he was just in too much of a rush at the time and that it was just an oversight. No oversight - cheap ass.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Random Stuff

Bloggity, blogity, blog. (translation: I don't have anything really interesting going on right now, but I don't want to get yelled at for not updating so I'm just writing random stuff in the hope that it's good enough)

Warnings to those who don't know:
1. Eat something before going out to drink. Trust me.
2. Getting sick outside a club isn't the most attractive look one might go for.
3. Bubble guts are scary as hell. (this is why one should not drink the night before a work day. Bubble guts are a long lasting condition. Think 'Depends'. Supersized.)
4. Sleeping in your party clothes isn't very comfortable.
5. Makeup from the night before looks horrible in the morning.
6. You're not as witty as you think after a couple of drinks.

Those colors that don't quite match when you put them on in the morning look even worse when you get to work. Asking a sleepy guy if you look okay isn't the best course of action. He's sleepy and doesn't really care.

No matter how kind and sweet your man may be, he will still never sleep in the wet spot.

I have resigned myself to live with watching 5 or 6 shows at a time. "A" has television ADD and the jokes about men and remotes aren't funny anymore. He'll even ask me what is going on sometimes (as though the transmission on the channel he changed somehow gets through to me on some secret wavelength). He's serious when he asks.

There are too many rappers with either "Lil" or "Young" in their names. If you're rapping about adult issues, let's be grownups.

More to follow.
Edit 8/3/06 - see line directly above. I lied.