Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Quitting Stuff

I quit!

Today is day 2 and I still haven't smoked. I called my kids to tell them - they're supportive and good people - I even called the evil ex-husband - I'm so proud of myself.

I warned all of my coworkers that there just might be repercussions and conseqences to deal with based on my new, super special, extra-stink, nicotine-free attitude. So far they've all been pretty cool, offering me stories of encouragement and gum. No one has made any weight comments (I suppose they know me well enough to avoid that game) and it's peaceful here today...so far.

I had one of those reflective nights last week when I was really sick - I couldn't sleep and I started counting my absences from work. I scared the hell outta myself and convinced myself that my nicotine habit was the main reason for the frequency of my illnesses. I started worrying that I might smoke myself right out of my dream job.

"A" and I each picked up a pack of ciggies on Saturday aftetnoon. (I went for 12 hours prior to that and didn't freak - I guess it was my initiation to this quitting mode). My first puff was wonderful, but the rest was a little painful and I didn't smoke much at all that day or night.

I smoked a whole ciggie on Sunday morning, but it didn't feel as good as I wanted it to and I made my decision then: I would buy no more cigarettes - no more.

I puffed occasionally on Sunday - the comfort of habit more than the need for nicotine, but it wasn't the same.

I'm stubborn as hell, so now that I've decided to quit - I fucking quit.

I don't expect anyone to stop smoking cigarettes because I stopped. It's up to each individual to handle their life as they wish to. I've been smoking for over 30 years and stopped only during pregnancies - well part of my pregnancies. I've never had the urge to quit before now and I sure as hell promise NOT to become one of those self righteous non-smokers that I've come to despise.

To all those who gave me unsolicited advice about my habit: it didn't help - nope, NEVER. I probably smoked extra cigarettes based on you bothering me. Because you smoked for 3 weeks back in college doesn't compare to a 30 year addiction -you assumed you knew what the hell I was going through. You didn't - you just sounded stupid to me.

I look so cute when I smoke - I'll miss that extra cuteness factor. Maybe I'll find something else to do with my lips and hands...

Anyway, I'm grouchy as hell - yes, my period has decided to reappear, I'm going through serious withdrawal AND it's only 11 a.m. I've been here for what seemed like hours and it's only 11 fucking a.m.

No one has told me that I look good today - I'm tapping my toes very impatiently now - I need some positive reinforcement. Do I need to send a memo requesting a compliment? Should I designate my admirer of the day?

I'm just grouchy. I'll literally take a chill pill (Midol) now, and see what happens.

24 comments:

hot coffee girl said...

Oh my.

Congrats, my darling. I am 34 and have smoked since I was 21...so I am not quite at the 30 year mark yet. But I do love it, although I know I should hate it. I would wish you luck...but you and I both know luck probably has the least to do with it. So instead, I will wish you strength of conviction and nerves of steel. Those two things are so much better than friggin' luck, anyhow. Luck is for pussies.

P.S. I finally got off of my lazy blog-ass and added you to my 'roll. It was too long coming...sorry for the delay, but welcome all the same.

katrice said...

Congratulations! If your e-mail application allows you to, send a task or reminder to your favorite, most good-natured colleague that says simply, "It's time... your turn to tell Jali how freakin' beautiful she is today... or else."

Christina_the_wench said...

Oh girl, I quit cold turkey 5 years ago after 15+ years of that addiction. The first two weeks are gonna be HELL, but after that, not so much. You can do it.

jali said...

hot coffee girl,
I'm thrilled to be on your roll! Thank you.
The good vibes you're sending me are really gonna help.

katrice,
Ummm. I'll make it YOUR job.Smile!

I sent the calendar notice to a buddy already- hopefully they'll understand their task.

christina,
Thanks for the encouragement. I think I can make it past the 2 week thing.

C said...

I'm on the rag too and I have major cramps from hell - grrrr but I am not in a hellish mood.

You look so cute tapping your toes impatiently.

~Deb said...

Wow, congrats!!!! I quit ten years ago. I used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. My girlfriend made me quit because she didn't want me to stain the new walls on the condo---as well as stain my lungs with black tar. I thank her for saving my life.

Even today- cigarettes are getting expensive, and there's practically NO where to smoke at all now---restaurants and bars are banning it and it's trickling over to each state now. They're making it harder and harder.

And DO NOT talk about PMS today. I'm SO there. *grr*

~Deb said...

P.S. Can you imagine my situation? I live with my girlfriend who is on the 'same schedule' as me.

I should have a BE AWARE OF OWNERS sign during this time. Forget about the dog.

dirk.mancuso said...

Congrats and continued success, Jali!

If it helps, the Dirk-ster is proud of you.

And by the way, have I mentioned how good you look today? You may look cute with a cig, but you are looking pretty cute today without. (The previous was all said in a non-"creepy Pete" way...just so you know - wink).

Fairmaiden327 said...

I feel for you. I've been smoking since I'm 13 and am now 37. I'm not ready to give it up although I have a bad heart. Go figure. Solicit comments on how hot you are. Keep away from sugar products. xoxo Maria

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I can't even see you, but I'm sure you look really good today.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm so glad to hear this, Jali! You're a lady with an iron will and plenty of guts as well as a bornagain desire to be healthier, so you can and will do this thing.

I've never smoked so please don't hate me, but you will ultimately look even cuter without the tiny lines that smokers eventually develop above their lips. I think the AA method of taking things one day at a time applies to any habit that needs to go.

Be really kind to yourself and be lavish with rewards as you accomplish this newest goal. Remember that you can do ANYTHING.

And I'll be your admirer any day. Already am, in fact.

jali said...

c,
The doggone Midol really helped. I HATE the "have a happy period" commercial. Thanks for noticing my cuteness.

~deb,
I don't know know how you two can make it month after month on the same schedule. You're a pretty strong person, I think.

dirk,
Yes! It helps that the Dirkster is proud of me!!!!...and that you think I look good in a non-creepy Pete way. The wink sent a thrill right through me (in a non sexual way)

Maria,
I'm doing the Splenda thing these days. I'm chewing ice as a snack right now - I don't want to gain any weight. Ooops - forgot the email - I'll send it soon! I wanna hang!

rev steve,
Thank you. I'm glad you think I look good.

hearts,
Thank you sweet person! It feels GREAT to be admired... and complimented...and befriended.

Kav said...

Great stuff jali, round of applause from across the pond for your willpower.

Did I mention how great you look today?

;-)

jali said...

kav,
Hugs and kisses. Merci beaucoup, senor!

Lex said...

Congratulations Gorgeous!! Addiction is a mother, so celebrate everyday. You've accomplished so much already.

We'll have to find soemthing else for that extra cuteness factor...that works in public.

Elaine said...

Congrats on the quitting girl. I don't know how hard it is because I've never been a smoker (seriously, only Filipino ALIVE who doesn't smoke...or play pool..or drive an acura.. stereotype much 'laine? nah.)
my dad quit smoking cold turkey before I was born. Never picked up another cigarette again so it can be done.

oh and you don't need a ciggy to look cute. Being grouchy is quite becoming on you. :D

Luke Cage said...

Miss Jali, send a picture luv. I'll tell you how good you look today. Although you posted this yesterday!-lol- I'm a non-smoker and some of these non-smoker types must really get under your skin because I've read your harangue against them before in some of your posts. And I know how my fellow NS' can be. Very indiscriminant.

I think though, its unfair for a non-smoker to just come down on a smoker when that smoker is attempting to quit. I would think gradually coming off of the nicotine as opposed to just going cold turkey would be a bit easier, but again this is coming from me. It must be hard either way.

Funny thing is, I happen to think there are some women who look fu@#ing sexy as hell when they have a cigarette going towards their lips, blowing out that smoke and putting it down again. I'm feeling that. I once had a love interest vow to quit because of me. I was stunned. I vehemently told her, you've got to do it for yourself for that to work luv. Good luck to you Jali!

Amadeo said...

I too have been through the silly advice and my favorite is, "You know that's not good for you, right?" Wait...it's not fortified with essential vitamins and irons?

I too loved the cool look with my long wool/cashmere coat and shades as I whipped out a Djarum black and with a quick flick of the wrist ignited my Zippo, it's glorious flame licking high into the air...pardon me I had a moment.

I'm sending lots of encouragment your way...but the dark side of me would encourage you to kill one person on the job to put the rest on notice.

mist1 said...

You look great today.

mist1 said...

Stop tapping your toes. It's annoying.

kwesi said...

Just wanted to encourage you. Keep it up, you can do it. Addictions, addictions, there's a stor there but I'm not ready to tell it yet. Anyway you can and you will. I believe in you jali.

jali said...

lexi,
Send info soon on extra cuteness factor.

elaine,
Hopefully grouchiness will be in style for a while - I plan to continue the trend.

luke,
You're the first NS who ever told me about the sexyness of smoking. Thanks for feeling us. (well, them...um..if I can keep this up)

amadeo,
Gotcha - use one coworker as an example to the others - can't discuss further here - blogs can be used as evidence.

mist,
I don't look great tapping my toes?

kwesi,
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement!

~d (tilde) said...

Jali: hang in there with the non smoking. I was a smoker, Camel Lights Wides, for at least 10 solid years and a few other here and there.
I have gotten to the point where I smoke if it is a social occassion. My kids DO NOT know. My husband lets me make my own decisions, but he does NOT suport. Its a bitch, girl. Proud of you! REAAL proud! Its wonderful how after 21 days you will notice that you SMELL better and that your SKIN feels better!
Yours.

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