Blog of the Week Stuff

http://www.beautyandthebeer.com/


She'll shank you if you don't click the link.

I'm Back Stuff

I came back from vacation on Friday but didn't post since my boss made me do some actual work for most of the day. What a shocker after 8 days away.

I missed you guys! I've been going back and reading all the comments - Y'all are cool dudes!

I went to D.C. for my vacation to meet with my online family from a forum I belong to. We called it our first annual family reunion and despite the "annual" in the title, we've decided to do it again in October. (sounds like something I would belong too, huh?). I stayed with my buddy Lisa and had a ball! Actually we all stayed with my buddy Lisa - she offered once, and hotel reservations disappeared with the quickness. (we figured the $ we saved on hotels could be put to better use drinking and we were right!)

Washington DC is hotter than anywhere else on earth - I don't care what the temperature says - I don't care what the Weather Channel says - I don't care what your mamma says - D.C. boils. Boils.

Lisa has great A.C. and a BIG ass fan so we were comfortable while indoors. WE WERE NOT COMFORTABLE FOR ONE SECOND OUTSIDE DURING DAYTIME HOURS. (people kept hinting at hot flashes and hormonal changes in older women - the ingrates!)

Majority seems to rule in the nation's capital and my objections to outdoor movement while the sun was out was overruled. It's true that we did have a tentative agenda - I just expected the weather to be within normal range - not the 1st ring of Hell, surface of the Sun, oven on at 500 for the whole day, 3rd degree burn hot - when I agreed to the f***ing agenda. (yes, I'm still complaining you Hata's who were there).

We actually did the tourist thing and rode around looking at monuments. I was happy riding around and saying, "Oooh - Aah" at the appropriate times since the A.C. in Lisa's car works just fine. The others (damn them) wanted to walk up to each momument individually (I'm not that patriotic) to see them up close. Since Lisa insisted on turning off the car and taking her keys I was forced to join them since sitting in the car waiting for slow people with no A.C. in Washington, D.C. isn't an option.

I moved from shady spot to shady spot (hum the Mission Impossible theme and imagine me fast walking or running to get to some shade, then stopping to wipe the sweat from my delicate brow while making faces at my so-called buddies) while the group was strolling in the midday sun as though it were a lovely spring morning.

We took photos of a bunch of stuff that we won't care about ever again in life. We did take a couple of memorable photos outside the White House. One was the group holding a big slice of watermelon and grinning like crazy. The tourists from Europe thought it was hilarious and took pictures of us too. We enjoyed talking to them as well as the sole identified Republican guy in the crowd, (besides the Capital Cops who told me that their attack dog was a Republican too.)

The sole identified Republican guy in the crowd was really nice and had a pretty good sense of humor. (I'm guessing that the rest of the Republicans are sunning in the South of France on Haliburton profits.) He was the only person who raised his hand when I shouted for a Republican roll call so I came to my own conclusion.

I was planning on posting a link to photos, but since the film is still in the disposable cameras and the cameras are still in the bag I have yet to unpack it's gonna be a while.

I'm going to do some heavy blog reading now.

Vacation Stuff

I went to D.C. (couldn't find El Guapo, although I tried) and I'm still on vacation. Back on Friday.

Apology Stuff

This is an apology to the many I inconvenienced this morning. I may have made more than just a few of you late for work today. (You may use this post as your offical excuse)

I was the stalled car in the 3rd northbound lane on Interstate 85 just before the Buford Highway exit.

I've seen stalled cars in the past and driven past them thinking, "they should have done some maintenance before they got on the got-da%* highway this morning. Imagine holding all those people up." I've driven past them (finally) disgusted that they didn't pull over to the right side to await help.

It's not that simple. My car refused to move so as much as I wished to be a good car neighbor, it was beyond my capability.

A cool dude in an SUV stopped to help me. He held up his hand, stopped 2 lanes of traffic, spoke to the 2 lead drivers in those lanes, and pushed me to the side of the road. He drove off immediately, so I didn't even get his name.

I called the emergency (while in the fast lane) operator who connected me to the "HERO" group. (I have no idea what the acronym stands for)

The bright yellow HERO trucks come to the aid of stalled motorists in the Atlanta Metro area. I waited about an hour for my hero to arrive.

The guy was friendly and cool. I explained exactly what happened right before my car died and he started laughing.

I was hot, late for work and I had to use the bathroom. I didn't see anything funny about the situation.

He walked back to his truck, grabbed a container and returned, still smiling.

"Pop your gas lever.

"Now try it."

The car turned right over.

I was out of gas.

(my car "Guy" named because he's a stick eliminated some features he was bored with about a year ago. My speedometer, gas gauge, and milage gauge are forever frozen so I'm never sure how much gas I have or how far I've gone. Guy stopped recording milage at 309, 072 miles.)

Blog of The Week Stuff

This chick has to be read to be believed. http://www.miss-ann-thrope.com/

So....read.

Exam Stuff

Nothing of note has happened so I don't have a clever post to share.

Instead I'll ask see if you guys remember any of these popular products slogans:
Oh, keep your eyes on your own papers! (the standard pre-exam drill) The winner gets to say "I'm The Winner!"

Name That Product! Based on the clue given identify the product.
1. Underwear That's Fun to Wear.
2. I can't believe I ate the whole thing.
3. Where's the beef?
4. Don't cook tonight, call__________.
5. You knocked my block off!
6.It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
7. Put a tiger in your tank.
8.Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us!
9.Wouldn't you really rather have a ____________?
10.Does she or doesn't she?
11. A little dab'll do ya.
12.Hand picked by Juan Valdez.
13.Come to where the flavor is.
14.We try harder.
15.We answer to a higher authority.
16.When it rains, it pours.

True to form, I'm stopping on an odd number because I'm not that excited by this entry. Maybe something interesting will happen at lunch...

Tight Stuff

I usually parade around my office and eventually the building I work in, so that the cute outfit I've chosen for the day can be admired by many (and hopefully envied by that chick on the 5th floor that I just don't like for no real reason - she just looks snooty to me).

Today I will make other plans.

I woke up at 6:40 this morning - well got up at 6:40 after hitting the snooze button repeatedly. 6:00 is my regular get up and go time so the 40 minute difference is a really big deal. Really.

I was so late that I stopped for a moment to consider skipping my shower to save a little time. Since the temp outside right now is near 90, I'm sure that would have been a really poor choice. My co-workers would be eternally grateful if they knew what my decision might have cost them.

Since I had to shower, I needed to find a way to save time.

Insta-clothes!

Insta-clothes are the garments in my wardrobe that never need ironing and go pretty well with almost anything. Insta-clothes have saved me from the horror of being late on more than one occasion so at 7:08 I grabbed Insta- slacks and an Insta-shirt to match the sparkly shoes I'd decided to wear today. I tip-toed out of the bedroom and quietly shut the door.

My guy "A" goes into work in the afternoons so I try to be as quiet as possible in the morning and I usually dress in the living room to let him rest.

The black slacks are insta-clothes because they're skin tight. Skin tight. I''m usually not the hoochie at the office so understand that the shirt I chose was supposed to cover the skin tight thing. I cleverly had it all worked out and after applying my work face in the bathroom mirror above the sink I grabbed my keys, jumped in my car and made it to my building a full 1/2 hour before my start time.

I had this lovely mental image of my appearance that didn't quite match the reflection myself on the side of the building. "Distortion", I told myself., 'you're fine".

The elevators in my building have mirrored doors.

Jali in the mirror. No distortion.

Hootchie - OMG - I'm a hootchie at the workplace.

The shirt that was supposed to make it all come together was not the shirt I was wearing. I was wearing an 'emphasize her big ass shirt.'

R. Kelly was stuck in the closet.

I'm stuck at my desk... (I have to pee)

Creative Stuff

I've got that wonderful "clothesline fresh" feeling today. My teeth are sparkling like the Orbit gum commercial (the sound effects from the commercial are awesome "ding!") and my skin is all aglow. I've been singing in tune all morning ( a minor miracle) and I've been walking on sunshine. (amazing that I was able to fit that many tv commercial phrases into one short paragraph, huh?)

What's got me in such a great mood? (despite my determination last night to break my "no drink on a Monday night" rule with vast amounts of Bombay and tonic to shore up the nerves and the resulting sluggish "morning after Jali")

I read a poem at an open mic affair in Riverdale, GA last night and the crowd showed me love. Art for the sake of art is all well and good, but positive feedback is a miraculous thing.

I hung out with some of the other performers until waaay after midnight (thus breaking my "early to bed on a Monday night" rule) and we laughed and played games like a crew of old friends. In a sense I suppose we were - going through the same thing at the same time brings people together.

I even planned next week's performance with one of my new close personal friends (whattup Adam!!!). We've decided to try an improv type piece - we're going to ask the audience to shout out different topics and we're going to perform based on the topic. It will be challenging, but in my "Newbie" ignorance I believe I can do it. (you can do eeeeet.... you can do eeeet aaallll niiiiight long! - movie line)

I made some great contacts too. I've written quite a few songs and a brother offered to collaborate with me just based on the lyrics I croaked out on the patio between puffs of my menthol ciggie. Either he was a bit drunk, or I'm really a multitalented chick just waiting for that big break. (I'm clicking these heels three times and believing in the dream)

(lunch break)

(back 1:03pm) lunch report: called "A" to whine about my sluggishness - the man has some wonderful wide shoulders to lean on and cry on. He was real cool at listening to my nonsense while trying to dress for work especially since he was wide awake when I stumbled in grinning in triumph from my fun evening of spoken word and liquor. I have a wonderful man y'all (well I live down south now so I get to use the language).

Had a "Jason's Deli" chicken salad sandwich from a lunch presentation in our office (free food is always yummy) and did 1/2 of the crossword puzzle (Tuesdays are easy as hell) after reading part of the local newspaper. I'm sure you're thinking, "what an exciting life she leads".

Back to the pre-lunch story...

I'm making a conscious effort to retake my artistic self. Poetry and songwriting are in me. My unfinished novel, "Granny" is in me too.

"A" has encouraged me to pursue the writing thing - to finish the novel - to speak the poetry - to actually 'walk the walk' and in yet another pinky bet http://jali-jalishouse.blogspot.com/2006/06/pinky-bet-stuff.html, we agreed to work on our creative sides. "A" is a very talented writer so support from him is a really a very big deal to me.

Feels good to have the juices flowing! (read into that what you wish cause whatever you're thinking is true!)

Hip Stuff

Very upset woman here. Some truths are just too difficult to face voluntarily and when the truths sink in (as they eventually do) upset is usually the result. I'm not crying anymore, but the feeling of terrible loss has stayed with me since I realized what I'm missing.

I thought I still had it. I thought it would be with me forever but I somehow lost it. I lost it. Me...sigh.

When did I lose my "hip"?

There was a time when my hipness wasn't in question. You could just look at me and see the hipness radiating from me. I spoke the language and sang the songs. I knew all the right moves and hung out at the hippest spots. I was one of the "cool kids" and I became a cool adult.

My wardrobe reflected my cool. My hair and nails, my walk and talk. All hip to the nth degree. I decided to stop smoking weed in college and my girls followed suit. I'd wear my hair a certain way and others would rock my style. I was hip.

I thought about the four most important people in my life and wondered if their appearance had anything to do with the loss of my hipness. Nope.

I was a hip mom - the Kool Ade mom of the block - the one the kids could talk too. Having children didn't negate my hipness - if anything my little ones became fashion and social accessories to add to the Jali mystique.

I began to question my hipness recently while driving. A song came on the radio and I didn't understand what the hell the song was about although I thought I did. I wondered, 'why would the guy snap rubberbands at a chick at a strip club'. I happened to have wondered out loud (big mistake) and "A" started laughing at me (first sign of loss of hip - folks laughing at you). He explained that 'popping a rubber band' had to do with spending a lot of cash at the club - not literally popping a rubberband on some woman's butt.

Oh.

The hip Jali would have known that. This new somewhat hip neutral person is confused by certain phrases. I don't like this.

Unfair Stuff

I've been looking through the different blog pages I regularly visit and I've been getting pissed. Yes folks, pissed. Pissed at the various authors of said pages since I am obviously not being entertained when there are no new posts. Page after page of stuff I've seen before - NO UPDATES. "C'mon people," I thought to myself. "Let's get to work!"

Then it hit me.

I haven't posted since Monday and the post before that was about a week ago. Who the hell am I to get pissed at everyone else in Blogland for doing pretty much what I do?

There's the rub - I'm a "do as I say, not as I do" person sometimes and I have standards that I expect others to uphold. I give myself a pass since I understand what sweet Jali is going through. (did you all know that God is cool with me too - I expect an 'A' for effort in the end - good intentions and all that)

Here are a few of my faults that I will acknowledge here:

I look at drivers who try to pass me on the highway as reckless assholes but I'm willing to speed like crazy at times ("I'm an excellent driver... an excellent driver" it's a name that film moment).

I'll hold up the grocery line to get my .45 cents off using my coupons, but get pissed off if someone in front of me does the same thing. (I know it doesn't make sense)

I'll offer to pay for the first dinner but will never go out with you again and consider you a cheap bastard if you let me pay on a first date.

I said "a few" so that's it for now.



Totally unrelated thought: "A", you're the greatest!

Family Stuff

I drove to Delaware from Georgia on Thursday after work, then back to Georgia again on Saturday night. The drive took about 12 hours each way. (Yes, I still went skating last night)

My uncle Roger died last week and his funeral was on Friday morning. Relatives came in from all over the country to say goodbye and I could do no less. (yes, that was me flying past you on I95 at 4 in the morning)

Uncle Roger was known in our family for two things: his thriftiness and his sense of humor.

I'm unable to discuss my uncle's thriftiness here - I don't wish to get in trouble with my family.

A few years back, my Auntie Ro had to have a toe amputated. Uncle Roger went out and bought her some socks made with individual toes. He cut off the sock toe to correspond with her amputation. The rest of us were handling the toe situation delicately and his joke was exactly what my auntie needed at the time. He made us laugh whether we wanted to or not.

We laughed a lot in Delaware after the funeral. Old stories were retold, old tricks played on each other, old wounds opened and rehealed, and new bonds forged. We were able to get to know each other again for a few hours.

We made the same promise that we always do after a funeral: "we've got to get together again soon. We can't wait for someone to pass away."

I hope we keep the promise this time.