I usually parade around my office and eventually the building I work in, so that the cute outfit I've chosen for the day can be admired by many (and hopefully envied by that chick on the 5th floor that I just don't like for no real reason - she just looks snooty to me).
Today I will make other plans.
I woke up at 6:40 this morning - well got up at 6:40 after hitting the snooze button repeatedly. 6:00 is my regular get up and go time so the 40 minute difference is a really big deal. Really.
I was so late that I stopped for a moment to consider skipping my shower to save a little time. Since the temp outside right now is near 90, I'm sure that would have been a really poor choice. My co-workers would be eternally grateful if they knew what my decision might have cost them.
Since I had to shower, I needed to find a way to save time.
Insta-clothes!
Insta-clothes are the garments in my wardrobe that never need ironing and go pretty well with almost anything. Insta-clothes have saved me from the horror of being late on more than one occasion so at 7:08 I grabbed Insta- slacks and an Insta-shirt to match the sparkly shoes I'd decided to wear today. I tip-toed out of the bedroom and quietly shut the door.
My guy "A" goes into work in the afternoons so I try to be as quiet as possible in the morning and I usually dress in the living room to let him rest.
The black slacks are insta-clothes because they're skin tight. Skin tight. I''m usually not the hoochie at the office so understand that the shirt I chose was supposed to cover the skin tight thing. I cleverly had it all worked out and after applying my work face in the bathroom mirror above the sink I grabbed my keys, jumped in my car and made it to my building a full 1/2 hour before my start time.
I had this lovely mental image of my appearance that didn't quite match the reflection myself on the side of the building. "Distortion", I told myself., 'you're fine".
The elevators in my building have mirrored doors.
Jali in the mirror. No distortion.
Hootchie - OMG - I'm a hootchie at the workplace.
The shirt that was supposed to make it all come together was not the shirt I was wearing. I was wearing an 'emphasize her big ass shirt.'
R. Kelly was stuck in the closet.
I'm stuck at my desk... (I have to pee)
16 comments:
OMG, what a hilarious (and sad) story!
I don't know what to tell you, j. When you have to pee, nothing else will even remotely do.
I have this cute pink dress that makes my boobs look A-maze-ing. The old guy I used to work with thought so too.
I usually have my dresses cleaned after about 3x wearing them because I have that 'never sweat' thing which isn't tecnically Anhidrosis because I don't overheat...
Anyway, this particular dress had a huge unknown substance stain that I apparently missed directly on the right nipple area.
It was like 200 degrees out (maybe not 200 but work with me here) and I wore a wool...yes, wool...cardigan all day because...just say no to nipple stains thankyouverymuch.
I feel your pain.
I haven't done the hoochie thing yet but I think it would be fun...in an exhibitionistic kinda way.
I wish I could see the hootchie shirt.
My worst fear: Dressing room mirrors. It's almost as bad as those fun house mirrors.......or....ummm...is it really telling me the truth ---which is the underlying fear!
You look fine girl. F*I*N*E ...fine!
I was so here today! I too have insta-clothes. I wore my insta-dress today (black one piece) but apparently it's shrunk (read: I'm gained weight) so it didn't quite fit right. I was so uncomfortable that by lunch time I ran out to Ann Taylor Loft and picked up a new outfit on sale!
heartsinsanfran,
Looking into catheters since I'm sure I'll do this again someday (smile).
miss ann thrope,
I may need to borrow that dress - I have a negative number bra size. I have a leaking breast milk story...ah - another time.
Smokin' Steve,
check your mail.
Psyche!
deb,
You're a sweetheart - I snatched off the outfit as soon as I got home. Dressing room mirrors save me a lot of cash since I look so bad in most of the stuff, I leave it in the store.
maria,
I work directly across the street from 2 great malls - I just didn't want the looks at the mall - you know, THOSE looks. I ended up wrapping my girlfriend's sweater around my waist.
lightning bug's butt,
I might do a little hootchie on the weekend. Your compliment is high praise since your page is outstanding. Thanks for returning the visit.
OMG, hilarious, Jali. Just don't get up too fast and rip a seam. Forget it. Don't get up at all until 5:00pm.
There. A solution. Any man servants to cater to your every whim to achieve this goal???
I could lie and say I feel your pain...but frankly I look hot in everything.
*snickers*
Hot and fresh out the kitchen, Mama rollin' that body got every man in here wishin'
AHHH-
~d heart hootchie mama!
I say pee at your desk. It works for me.
I totally have insta-clothes too!! Except I wear them almost every day b/c my office is really casual. I hate waking up in the mornings so I just grab whatever I see and throw it on and am out the door. One time I wore this camisole under another shirt and the straps weren't properly adjusted and apparantly I was showing MAJOR cleavage the whole day, my supervisor was too embarassed to say anything to me so he had a female coworker point it out. I felt like such a hoebag!!! I was so embarassed.
TOO funny!! You never want to be known as THE "Hoochie from the office". Great blog!
I have been stuck at my desk before for the same reasons. It's that "getting dressed in the dark" feeling.
christina_the_wench,
I'm a bit short in the man servant department. Will you send me a loaner?
mike,
We need photographic evidence of sdaid hotness (especially when people snickr). Post immediately!
~d,
YOU'RE the one with the big headed g-string, not me (he-he-he)
SKP,
I'm telling your wife!
Blond Menace,
Oh - they told you after the fact -how helpful!
Dal,
Thanks! Time for you to write - go to work, girl!
Lynn,
Doesn't it feel rotten?
All hail the marvels of insta-clothes!
Keep up the good work » » »
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