Thursday, July 13, 2006

Tight Stuff

I usually parade around my office and eventually the building I work in, so that the cute outfit I've chosen for the day can be admired by many (and hopefully envied by that chick on the 5th floor that I just don't like for no real reason - she just looks snooty to me).

Today I will make other plans.

I woke up at 6:40 this morning - well got up at 6:40 after hitting the snooze button repeatedly. 6:00 is my regular get up and go time so the 40 minute difference is a really big deal. Really.

I was so late that I stopped for a moment to consider skipping my shower to save a little time. Since the temp outside right now is near 90, I'm sure that would have been a really poor choice. My co-workers would be eternally grateful if they knew what my decision might have cost them.

Since I had to shower, I needed to find a way to save time.

Insta-clothes!

Insta-clothes are the garments in my wardrobe that never need ironing and go pretty well with almost anything. Insta-clothes have saved me from the horror of being late on more than one occasion so at 7:08 I grabbed Insta- slacks and an Insta-shirt to match the sparkly shoes I'd decided to wear today. I tip-toed out of the bedroom and quietly shut the door.

My guy "A" goes into work in the afternoons so I try to be as quiet as possible in the morning and I usually dress in the living room to let him rest.

The black slacks are insta-clothes because they're skin tight. Skin tight. I''m usually not the hoochie at the office so understand that the shirt I chose was supposed to cover the skin tight thing. I cleverly had it all worked out and after applying my work face in the bathroom mirror above the sink I grabbed my keys, jumped in my car and made it to my building a full 1/2 hour before my start time.

I had this lovely mental image of my appearance that didn't quite match the reflection myself on the side of the building. "Distortion", I told myself., 'you're fine".

The elevators in my building have mirrored doors.

Jali in the mirror. No distortion.

Hootchie - OMG - I'm a hootchie at the workplace.

The shirt that was supposed to make it all come together was not the shirt I was wearing. I was wearing an 'emphasize her big ass shirt.'

R. Kelly was stuck in the closet.

I'm stuck at my desk... (I have to pee)

17 comments:

heartinsanfrancisco said...

OMG, what a hilarious (and sad) story!

I don't know what to tell you, j. When you have to pee, nothing else will even remotely do.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I have this cute pink dress that makes my boobs look A-maze-ing. The old guy I used to work with thought so too.

I usually have my dresses cleaned after about 3x wearing them because I have that 'never sweat' thing which isn't tecnically Anhidrosis because I don't overheat...

Anyway, this particular dress had a huge unknown substance stain that I apparently missed directly on the right nipple area.

It was like 200 degrees out (maybe not 200 but work with me here) and I wore a wool...yes, wool...cardigan all day because...just say no to nipple stains thankyouverymuch.

I feel your pain.

I haven't done the hoochie thing yet but I think it would be fun...in an exhibitionistic kinda way.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I wish I could see the hootchie shirt.

~Deb said...

My worst fear: Dressing room mirrors. It's almost as bad as those fun house mirrors.......or....ummm...is it really telling me the truth ---which is the underlying fear!

You look fine girl. F*I*N*E ...fine!

Maria said...

I was so here today! I too have insta-clothes. I wore my insta-dress today (black one piece) but apparently it's shrunk (read: I'm gained weight) so it didn't quite fit right. I was so uncomfortable that by lunch time I ran out to Ann Taylor Loft and picked up a new outfit on sale!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Don't fear the hoochie look. Roll with it.

Hey, I like the way you write. I'm glad you stopped by.

jali said...

heartsinsanfran,
Looking into catheters since I'm sure I'll do this again someday (smile).

miss ann thrope,
I may need to borrow that dress - I have a negative number bra size. I have a leaking breast milk story...ah - another time.

Smokin' Steve,
check your mail.




Psyche!


deb,
You're a sweetheart - I snatched off the outfit as soon as I got home. Dressing room mirrors save me a lot of cash since I look so bad in most of the stuff, I leave it in the store.

maria,
I work directly across the street from 2 great malls - I just didn't want the looks at the mall - you know, THOSE looks. I ended up wrapping my girlfriend's sweater around my waist.

lightning bug's butt,
I might do a little hootchie on the weekend. Your compliment is high praise since your page is outstanding. Thanks for returning the visit.

Christina_the_wench said...

OMG, hilarious, Jali. Just don't get up too fast and rip a seam. Forget it. Don't get up at all until 5:00pm.

There. A solution. Any man servants to cater to your every whim to achieve this goal???

Mike said...

I could lie and say I feel your pain...but frankly I look hot in everything.

*snickers*

~d (tilde) said...

Hot and fresh out the kitchen, Mama rollin' that body got every man in here wishin'

AHHH-
~d heart hootchie mama!

SunKingpoet said...

I say pee at your desk. It works for me.

The Blonde Menace said...

I totally have insta-clothes too!! Except I wear them almost every day b/c my office is really casual. I hate waking up in the mornings so I just grab whatever I see and throw it on and am out the door. One time I wore this camisole under another shirt and the straps weren't properly adjusted and apparantly I was showing MAJOR cleavage the whole day, my supervisor was too embarassed to say anything to me so he had a female coworker point it out. I felt like such a hoebag!!! I was so embarassed.

Dal said...

TOO funny!! You never want to be known as THE "Hoochie from the office". Great blog!

Lynn said...

I have been stuck at my desk before for the same reasons. It's that "getting dressed in the dark" feeling.

jali said...

christina_the_wench,
I'm a bit short in the man servant department. Will you send me a loaner?

mike,
We need photographic evidence of sdaid hotness (especially when people snickr). Post immediately!

~d,
YOU'RE the one with the big headed g-string, not me (he-he-he)

SKP,
I'm telling your wife!

Blond Menace,
Oh - they told you after the fact -how helpful!

Dal,
Thanks! Time for you to write - go to work, girl!

Lynn,
Doesn't it feel rotten?

honeykbee said...

All hail the marvels of insta-clothes!

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » » »