Monday, January 15, 2007

Stuff Stuff


How is it that no matter how little toilet paper is left on the roll, Adrian will find a way to use exactly that amount? Exactly the amount left on the roll!


Does my honey bunny have some sort of super power that regulates his recyling system to adjust to the number of sheets left on the roll? I've been putting his powers to the test these last few weeks just to see what he'll do and he passes with flying colors every time. That sad looking brown piece of cardboard left from the roll is all the evidence I need to see to understand his skill at toilet paper changing avoidance. he is a master of the game.


Yesterday after making ladylike use of the facilities (yeah - fart city for those of you who know me), I reached for the paper and my fingers struck hard cardboard where white fluffiness should have been. The reserve rolls of paper were at the far side of the vanity and I could just touch the paper, but couldn't grab a roll.


My pants around my ankles, I hobbled a step or two in the "croaching tiger" position to reach the paper and caught a glance of myself in the mirror. Not at all attractive folks. The highlights: vast expanse of butt with frowning face to cap it off. Frowning in part because the ridiculous amount of Bombay Gin I drank on Saturday night was being processed by a system that was out of control. (While drinking I pretend I don't know that this will happen). Frowning in part because I was annoyed that I had to be in that position (again, Adrian - again).


Yes I know that checking the roll should be the first thing done, but in the case of Bombay gin overload there isn't time to do anything other than assume the position and pray for accuracy. (I'm on the money most of the time.)

12 comments:

Christina_the_wench said...

Most of the time?? OMG. LOL

The men will be proud to know you miss as they do at times.

mist1 said...

Did you wipe with the cardboard tube?

Little Lamb said...

Why not have Adrian change the toilet paper? It's only fair. Whoever uses it last, should change it.

Lex said...

I live alone, so I am always amazed when I go into my own bathroom and find the cardboard roll. Damn guests!!

Last night I found the new toilet paper roll on the floor in front of my feet. Um??? Maybe they have an allergy to toilet paper roll replacement or something?

Mr. Fabulous said...

I think it IS a superpower. Now he just needs a costume and a name...

This post would have been better with a picture or two...

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I hate to type a sexist remark, but what's true is true: men can make do with what little they have, when the have to.

It's one of our skills.

Gin?

~Macarena~ said...

It's fine if Adrian can make do as well as -oo, but he should be thinking first of Jali's ass, which he cherishes above his own.

I keep a reserve container (that fits three rolls) next to the toilet, but I often forget it's there. In the corner outside the bathroom door (which is open because I live alone) is my broom, which I can use to snag a roll from the pack in the linen closet two feet away. It's tough, and sometimes impossible. But I also use baby wipes, and I've never been out of both.

Webmiztris said...

ha! lmao at Mist1 because I've been known to wipe with the cardboard roll before!!

actually nobody 'knew' that before.

oops. :D

Steph said...

I had a similar emergency one time, unfortunately for me, i had not a square to spare.




So i pulled down the curtain and used that.
My grandma has never forgiven me.

jali said...

christina,
Honesty may not always be the best policy.

mist,
Not that time.

little lamb,
Fair? No comprende.

lex,
This is gonna be sexist: bet the guests were guys!

mr. fab,
I thought my great photo of an empty TP roll was perfect.

lbb,
Gin. The nectar of hell!

macarena,
I'm gonna tell him just that!

dawn,
Sharing is ...um...good!

steph,
How old were you? Just askin'...

Lex said...

I was just thinking today that women are the only humans who seem to know how to replace the roll. Men and children are incapable, somehow.

Confession: I've wiped with the cardboard roll too.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Changing toilet paper is one of the many things men cannot do. They simply can't. It's in their DNA or something. If it were not for women, all the bathrooms in the world would have empty cardboard rolls in them forever.

I've wondered for years what the problem is. Men are capable of many difficult tasks and even, on occasion, great heroism. Why do they draw the line at doing something as simple, to say nothing of convenient, as changing the damn roll?

They are just not like the rest of us.